Do you suffer from sexual anorexia?

Thirty-year-old, Shivani Parab (name changed) works as a senior manager in a multinational firm. She was in love with a guy, and both of them were considering marriage. She says, “We were living in and were very serious about tying the knot. We were physically intimate, and had every intention of getting married.

However, it all fell apart when I discovered that my boyfriend was cheating on me with someone else. It broke my heart. While I moved on from the relationship. I have not been able to be physically intimate with anyone since then. Just the thought of it, makes me anxious and I end up changing the topic and avoid going there. It’s not that I am not attracted to my current boyfriend. It’s just that I feel helpless once my anxiety takes over.” Roma Sharma (name changed ), a professional from the hotel industry, too suffers from a similar condition. She says, “I sweat and have embarrassing moments in bed with my partner. I can’t sustain a relationship because I am so scared. I always felt something was wrong with me. Therapy helped me understand that on a very subconscious level I considered intimacy to be bad and repulsive and that led me to avoid sex all together. It’s not like I was not attracted to men or I felt no sexual desire. It’s just that when it came to it, I just could not go through with it. Sexual anorexia is a real problem, but very few are aware of the toll it can take on you and your relationships.” Mental health experts agree and add that a lot of people confuse being asexual with sexual anorexia. They do not realise it’s a real avoidance disorder.

Asexual vs sexual anorexia

Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal, says, “One has to understand the basic difference between being asexual and being sexually anorexic. An asexual person is satisfied not indulging in sex.. While in case of sexual anorexia one has the desire but there is extreme anxiety and panic, which prevents people (suffering from the condition) from getting sexually intimate with anyone.”

About sexual anorexia

Sexual anorexia is the compulsive avoidance of sexual activity resulting from extreme fear and anxiety of intimacy and sexual situations. While sexual anorexia specifically does not appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), it is considered an avoidance disorder, and can do real damage to a relationship if not treated. At the 2011 Global Addiction Conference, Dr Sanja Rozman explained that someone with this condition could become obsessed with avoiding sex. The obsession may even start to dominate your life.

Symptoms of sexual anorexia

Clinical psychologist and author, Seema Hingorany, says, she has encountered many such cases in her practise. She says, “To understand the problem, one has to first identify the symptoms and acknowledge that they need help. There are symptoms one needs to look at. These include, panic setting in at the starting point of sexual intimacy. The person may start having crying spells and might feel sex is repulsive. Most of them have a negative belief that they are not safe while having sex. It’s usually followed by depression and guilt.” If one identifies with all of these symptoms, they should approach a professional for help.

Physical and emotional problems can lead to sexual anorexia

Physical causes can include recent child birth, hormone imbalances, medication, exhaustion and breast-feeding. Common emotional causes include rape, sexual abuse, a negative attitude toward sex, strict religious upbringing about sex, power struggles with a partner or a loved one and communication problems.

Coping with sexual anorexia

According to Seema, therapy really works wonders in these cases, It helps the person to talk about where his fear/anxiety stems from. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy (a type of psychotherapy helps process negative memories through sounds or movements while you talk about the trauma) helps in processing maladaptive memory network and gives relief to clients. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) a short-term goal oriented therapy also helps as it challenges their negative beliefs, and helps address their fears and anxieties.

Did you know?

Pornography use may be linked to some cases of sexual anorexia. Researchers from the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine (SIAMS) studied more than 28,000 Italian men. Men who looked at a lot of porn from a young age often became desensitised to it. They were more likely to lose interest in real-life sexual situations.