Ghost – Slipping out of a party without telling anyone or saying goodbye
Full disclosure - I am not very sociable. I seldom attend parties and/or large gatherings where there is mingling, handshaking and airkissing. The promise of a good time at these cesspools of germs and gossip are fragmentary. You are buttonholed into long conversations with long-winded people, forced to swallow vicious liquids that look, smell, and taste like they have been bubbling in a cauldron since the turn of the century. Glad-handed. Stepped on. Spilled on. And very often spat on by some poor soul deep in their cups.
So I side step most social outings that do not include intelligible conversation, cutlery, and a double-digit deadline. However, exceptions have to be made. In such situations the idea is to get in and out with the speed and stealth of a Ninja. It all goes well, up until it's time to bid the host adieu. This, dear reader, is a minefield. You sidle up, thank them for their hospitality and say you must be on your way. If you are lucky, you will be turned around guided to the buffet, and urged to try the 'superb' biryani before you leave. Worst case scenario, you will be pinioned against the bar and plied with shots till you are so incapacitated you have no choice but to stay put. My advice to the more determined escapee's amongst you is to just GHOST, do a runner, leave without alerting the guards, book it, bail, bounce, keep walking and don't turn back!
You can judge me but truth be told the rules of play have changed. It's perfectly acceptable to be invited via text message today; infact, some people prefer it. You are saved the intrusion of a phone call and the ensuing awkward conversation regretting your attendance, while the inviter feels compelled to insist you try and make it. Take it up a notch, create a Facebook event, all the kids are doing it, tag the invitee's and they RSVP at the click of a button. It's convenient, efficient and environment-friendly. Not pulling your host away from their hosting, to inform them of your departure isn't the worst thing you can do. Spare yourself the inevitable game of dodge-the-host and make up for it with a thank you message the next day.
I am a serial Ghoster, and have many cohorts. Some have even elevated it to an art form. Take for example the case of a dear friend who, after generously hosting a dinner at his home till the early hours of the morning, decided to Ghost his own shindig, locked himself into his bedroom and fell asleep, whilst outside we did 'not go gentle into that goodnight'. It was laughed off the next morning, and I for one am glad he set this precedent. I urge you to have a good think about it, weigh its pros and cons, debate, discuss, and while the jury is out on this one; don't worry about me I can see myself out…
